I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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