I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
