as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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