i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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