I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
