it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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