Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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