it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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