thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
