Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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