Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
