You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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