walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
