dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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