Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
