I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
