If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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