You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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