I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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