I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
