I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
