i may or may not be watching the land before time
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
