I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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