He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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