he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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