I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
