Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
