This girl is more easily done than said...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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