I hate your face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
