my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i will never coherently bang her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
