You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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