I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
