i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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