I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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