Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's blow job season.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
