The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
