I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
