Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
