Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
