It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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