Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
