it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
