I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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