discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and she was petting her beer can
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
