the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
