My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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