there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
