this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
