I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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