Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
