hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
