ugly people sure do ruin things
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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