when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
