it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
