can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
