i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
