Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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