Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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