Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My feet surprised me
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