Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
