I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
