All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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