Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
