Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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