$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
