My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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